My darling friend Sora told me today that it is my duty, as a young person, to waste time. It is also my duty, as a young person, to experience this pain, and somehow find some joy in it. Despite all the show of frustration and hissy fits, part of me already knows that my first adult relationship is coming to a close. I am suspended in half-denial that there is just not feasible reason not to give an answer unless it is a negative one, and courage is lacking. But that is what hope does to you i guess – u project your desires onto a fading mirage and pretend it is all okay.
But it isn’t.
Like every heartbroken drama queen, the initial reaction is to reject love. Say love isn’t for me, love is too volatile, i will never love again. How can i, when all it does is take up time, and cause so much hurt? How can i, after sharing the same food, the same fabric softener, the same desk, and the same bed with one person for this long? That same person who isn’t the only person i reach for in the waves of semi consciousness of sleep, and is also my furnace? It all sounds so sappy, pathetic, and ridiculous, until i pack my shit up in laundry baskets and grocery bags to sob for 3 days in a row from rejection, frustration, and disappointment.
Young or not, it’s just not fucking okay.
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